I had a real colonoscopy last spring. I was nervous, then a little loopy, then fine. You know what helped the most? Jokes. Silly, small, bathroom humor jokes. I tested them on my partner, the nurses, and my doctor. Some got big laughs. Some got… polite nods. Here’s the plain truth, from the prep to the post–nap.
If you’d like the full, unfiltered rundown of every line I tried (and how the room reacted), take a peek at the complete diary over on this step-by-step colonoscopy joke breakdown.
Why even bring jokes?
Fear makes people quiet. Jokes make people breathe. I wanted to feel normal, not stiff. Also, nurses hear the wildest stuff. They deserve a chuckle.
Hospitals even have formal clown–visitor programs—Clown Care—because laughter really does lighten the ward.
Speaking of nurses, I later dove into what actually lands with medical staff during hectic shifts—turns out the rules change when you’re on the hospital floor, as you can see in this nursing-humor field test.
The day before: me vs. the prep
That prep drink? It tastes like lime if lime had a bad day. I kept it cold and used a straw. I watched cooking shows and then laughed at myself, because, well, clear liquids only.
If you’d prefer legit, step-by-step medical pointers, the folks at MD Anderson have a thorough colonoscopy preparation guide that spells everything out.
I started warming up the jokes here. My partner was my test crowd. He graded me with thumbs up and a face that said, “Please stop.” Fair.
Comedy between spouses can sometimes wander into far spicier territory—if you and your significant other enjoy no-filter, bawdy banter, you might get a kick out of the candid, NSFW tales archived at Slut-Wife Confessions—scrolling through their outrageous stories can spark shock-value one-liners that’ll make even prep day feel tame. And if those tales get you thinking about turning fantasy into an actual fling and you happen to be in Cobb County, you could always peek at the local dating boards on Smyrna hookup listings where nearby singles and adventurous couples arrange low-pressure, one-night meet-ups—perfect for focusing on fun instead of tomorrow’s medical routine.
Real jokes I used (and how they did)
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“Is this lemon-lime? Because it tastes like cry-lime.”
Result: Big laugh from my partner. Nurse giggled later too. -
“My colon has seen more GoPros than a skate park.”
Result: Doctor laughed. Tech said, “Please don’t make me snort.” -
“What’s the Wi-Fi password? I’ll be streaming anyway.”
Result: Nurse laughed out loud. Another nurse said, “Too real.” -
“Please tell me the camera isn’t 4K. I don’t need that level of detail.”
Result: Soft chuckles. Doctor said, “It’s HD, but I won’t zoom for drama.” -
“I wrote ‘Do Not Disturb’ back there. Nobody listened.”
Result: Medium laugh. Then papers rustled. Timing matters. -
“If this goes well, do I get a colon-sticker? Like at the dentist?”
Result: They loved this one. Later, they actually gave me a smiley sticker. I put it on my sock. -
“This prep turned me into a track star. I set a record to the bathroom.”
Result: Shared pain laugh. We all nodded like, yep. -
“So, is this what people mean by a deep cleanse?”
Result: Groans. But the kind that turns into a smile. -
“If my colon starts monologuing, please cut to commercial.”
Result: One nurse laughed. One nurse blinked. Mixed bag. -
“Should I clench? Or is that like slamming the door on the camera crew?”
Result: Doctor said, “Please relax.” I took the hint. Joke fizzled. -
“I brought clear broth. It’s my emotional support soup.”
Result: Light laugh. Also, I did bring broth. It helped. -
Post-procedure, while waking up: “Did you find my missing car keys?”
Result: Big laugh. I felt very proud and very sleepy.
If you’re more into pure cheeky wordplay, you might enjoy reading about the week I survived on nothing but butt jokes—spoiler: surprisingly wholesome reactions.
What worked best (and why)
- Gentle puns beat gross-out lines. Keep it clean. It’s a medical room, not a frat basement.
- Jokes that nod to shared stuff—prep, cameras, clear liquids—play well.
- Ask your timing to chill. Jokes land best during the small talk, not during consent or instructions.
What flopped (and why)
- Anything that sounds like you won’t listen. They need you to listen.
- Jokes with a mean edge. Staff are on your team.
- Long stories. Keep it short and punchy. You’re not on stage.
Tiny tips I wish I had sooner
- Keep the prep drink super cold. Straw helps. Sips, not gulps.
- Use lip balm. Your mouth gets dry.
- Clear, salty broth feels like a hug you can sip.
- Bring a soft hoodie and socks. I wore my lucky green ones. It helped my mood.
- Tell one joke, then pause. Read the room. If they smile, you can try one more.
Quick rating
- Laugh relief: 4.5 out of 5
- Staff reaction: Warm and kind
- My nerves: Cut in half
- Side effects: One eye-roll (earned)
One more thought
Humor didn’t make the test fun. It made it human. That’s different, and it’s enough. Also, the results were clear and I was fine. That sticker? It’s still on my sock drawer.
For a deeper bench of giggle-worthy but hospital-safe material, swing by Crazy Laughs before your appointment.
A mini set you can borrow
Use at your own risk. Tweak for your vibe.
- “I’m here for the trailer, not the full director’s cut.”
- “Is there a frequent flyer program for this? Asking for my colon.”
- “Please mark my chart: bravery level medium, snack level high.”
- “If you see my dignity back there, tell it I’ll be right out.”
- “I’m ready for my close-up. Well… maybe not my face.”
Final take
Colonoscopy jokes won’t save the world. But they might save your morning. Mine did. If you’re going soon, I’m rooting for you. Pack a hoodie, bring your broth, and carry one good joke. Just one. Say it with a smile. Then breathe.